April 29, 2011

• Help me to see what You see..

  ..the good the bad.  The pride, and accompanying falls.  The insecurity and sense of inadequacy, and God the whining.  And the whole nasal thing.  God, I get on my own nerves.

  And I know You don’t see that.  Well, I mean You see it because You see everything..  You know what I mean..

  Oh, and Critter says “hi”, and he loves You..

  And he will love his wife, like You love the church.. 

  The Body..

  O.K..  So I don’t care for the whole feeling like my part is the acne of the body.

  I mean, I know it’s beneficially and cathartic..  Get it out.

  And the pain makes us aware of a deficiency.

  So ..  Deficiency.

  In Our relationship.

  You see empty places to be filled.

  And we stuff them, instead, with false comforts.  So..  Take that.  The desires for false comforts.  My medicines?  Help me.  I don’t even want to look in that direction.  God, You know I’ve felt so much better..  And hyper self-aware.  Able to FOCUS.  Get shit done.  But my blood-pressure is ungodly.  Yep.  Un-You.  Trigger-HAPPY temper.  Which can be fun, and entertaining.  As my co-worker claims, “I’m just sayin’ what everybody else is thinking.”  God, I love her.

  All of them.  You took me out of a TERRIBLE job.  With a man that I thought I could save by just walkin’ the Walk..  Do what needs to be done.  Do right.  But he was so twisted.  Dishonest.  Chauvanistic?  OMG, don’t get me started.  And prejudiced.  And it broke my heart for Alicia, when Obama was running and won.  He just straight up told her, “You know, the only reason most of the .. what did he call them?  ..the minorities?  I don’t know..  Some politically correct, but still degrading crap.. But essentially, the black folk were voting for Obama because he’s black.

  God, that’s awful.  I was growing to HATE him, and I know You saw that.  I don’t hate him.  I don’t understand how he is still, to this DAY..  God, You know.

  And thank You.

  And now I work with the most amazing, inspiring, intelligent, loyal..  I could just go .. on and on and on and..  I LOVE them.  We’ve partied.  We banter ALL day.  Burn after burn.  Throwin’ eachother under the bus, lol.

  Thank You, Lord.  I couldn’t ever..  Ever repay..  ANY of the blessings.  The blessings I’m not even aware of..

  But You do let me fall on my face.

  *sigh..

  Work that muscle.  The patience muscle.  Many, plentiful, bountiful, overabundances of opportunities to work that frickin’ patience muscle.

  BLACCHHH!!!

  These tests SUCK.

  I know.  You know.

  Thank You.

  I love You. 

  I do. 

  And I’m sorry I’ve been a towel.

  Amen.

  • 8:43 pm
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